My Mary Sue
by theharvestquill
Summary: A collection of stories and parodies making fun of the steortype Mary Sues out there! Enjoy! one-shots Rated T just in case
1. Sensei Tiger Does it Again!

**Hi, people! This is your old friend, Izzy. Lexi and I have created this chain of short stories called ' My Mary Sue'. I hope everyone knows what a Mary Sue is. These are not meant to be good, just written well (good punctuation and spelling), we're poking fun at stereotype stories out there! (Don't be offended!)**

**Please feel free to send us messages with any ideas we could use to write a short story with. We might consider them. COMING SOON: Leonardo DiCaprio comes to Mineral Town!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harvest Moon.**

Tiger yawned and fell out of bed, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. _My second day in Mineral Town!_ She thought, _I am so excited!_ She had arrived only the day before with one satchel containing her nunchucks and samurai sword, and the other; a range of stylish apparel. When she entered her tiny cottage, she felt instantly at home, and had worked incredibly hard the day before, selling grasses, apples and honey. She had been awarded with 300g for her efforts and was incredibly excited to purchase a chicken.

Now, when many first meet Tiger, they are a bit skeptical of her, especially when she announces the fact that she is not just Tiger, but actually, Sensei Tiger. She is extremely skilled in martial arts and had just finished receiving a range of prestigious degrees from her university in Japan, before deciding to settle down on the farm. Tiger is amazingly thin (all that karate paid off!) with shocking blue eyes and a wave of charcoal black hair that cascades down her back. Her lips are as red as a dragon's tongue and in her boarding school as a child, she was always reprimanded for 'wearing lipstick', when in fact, the deep cherry was her natural color.

But all that is beside the point. We shall carry on with the story.

Tiger washed her face, brushed her teeth until gleaming, and combed her luscious locks. She smiled brightly at her reflection. _Hey, Sensei, you look good today. _She told the mirror. It did not reply. Tiger laughed at herself and slipped on a form-fitting tee shirt and black skinny jeans. She tied up her hair and the laces to her sneakers to complete what she believed to be the 'farmer look' then headed out the door.

"Big T! How's it going'?!"Cried a loud voice. Tiger had just finished collecting the grasses, mushrooms, apples and honey of the day.

"Oh, hello, Cliff." Said Tiger, flashing a brilliant beam. He looked dazed for a second, before recollecting himself.

"Say, do you need any help on that farm?" he asked.

"Naw, I'm good." She smiled again, "I'm going pretty well." *Giggle*

"Okay. If you need anything…"

"Sure thing. It's great to know I have such kind, helpful, absolutely sweet neighbors around if I need them!" Tiger praised. Cliff blushed.

"Thanks. I'll be going, now. See you around."

_.God….! _Tiger squealed when he had left, _He is so cute! I hope he likes me. Did you see how he blushed_! Another squeal.

Tiger put Cliff out of her mind and skipped down the cobble-stone street towards the Poultry Farm. She was buying her first chicken. When she arrived, a boy walked out of the little building. He had sandy hair and enormous, round glasses.

"Oh, hi!" said the boy, "I'm Rick. I help run the farm. So, you're the new girl down at Sensei Farm. By the way, why did you name it 'Sensei Farm'?"

"Because I am a Sensei. D'oh." Said Tiger, rolling her eyes.

"Are you kidding me?!" He cried in disbelief.

"No. I am not kidding you. You're being very rude."

"You're no more of a martial arts master than this chicken!" he indicated to a particularly fat one.

"Want me to prove it?"

"Go ahead."

And with that, Tiger lifted her right leg and delivered a rather nasty kick to his stomach.

"OW!" he bellowed.

Tiger gave him a smirk and stalked off. _God, guys are, like, so dumb._ She thought. _I'm gonna show the whole town just how good at karate I am. I'll hold a tournament._

The next day, as various members of the town walked past the notice board, whether to visit the beach, or to go to the two farms, or to church, or even to get a drink at the inn, their eyes would be drawn to the large, glossy piece of purple paper reading:

_Hello, fellow townspeople! You may not know me yet, but I am Tiger, Sensei Tiger, and I have just moved into what is now called 'Sensei Farm'. I have met a few of you already, and have been quite amazed at the fact that you will not believe that I am a Sensei! It is mind-boggling._

_But I feel I must prove myself to you, so I am officially holding the FIRST EVER Mineral Town Marital Art Mania Tournament!(Everyone will be going against ME.)_

_If you wish to participate or watch, all you need to do is come to the Town Square tomorrow at 11 o'clock. You'd better be ready for me. _

_X__ - Sensei Tiger_

At precisely eleven of the clock, the square was buzzing with spectators, and in the middle, the challengers congregated. Gray, Rick, Karen and Gotz scowled in the middle.

"Jeez." Said Karen, "Why are you here, Rick? There is no way that you can beat any of us!"

"I'm not fighting you. We are _all_ fighting Tiger."

"What? She thinks she can do KARATE?" Karen let out a scream of mirth. But just then, Tiger walked onto the mat in the center, where everyone was standing. She gave an evil eye to Karen,

"You'll go _first_."She said.

Tiger looked ravishing in her orange and black striped robes. She was wearing a lot of eye makeup, orange eye shadow, and black lipstick. Only Karen didn't look impressed.

"Bring it on."Said Karen, raising her eyebrows.

At the end of the afternoon, Tiger was in a fabulous mood and Gray, Rick, Karen and Gotz were moping for Tiger had won each fight. Even butch and burly Gotz could not match up to her superior skills. Rick was furious ("She CHEATED!"), Gray was annoyed ("She ticks me off."), Karen was biting her lip, trying not to cry and trying not to scream ("I _will_ kill her. HOW HUMILIATING!") and Gotz was confused ("What?").

Tiger congratulated all of them, and then presented a medal to herself. The Mayor clapped as did all of the others, including Cliff who laughed and wolf-whistled.

"Go me!" cried Tiger.

"Yeah, go you!" exclaimed Ann.

Cliff smiled.

**Thanks; please R+R!**

**Xoxo Izzy**


	2. Clari Learns a 'Valuable' Lesson

**Hello! Chapter Three of My Mary Sue is here by Izzy! Feel free to laugh out loud and disturb everyone! And don't forget to rate and review - I'd love to know what you think!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harvest Moon.**

Clarisse Spring-Chicken had been living in Mineral Town for quite some time. She had red hearts with all of the guys, but something was still missing. She was beautiful, with shimmery golden hair and amazing, emerald green eyes, but something was _still _missing. Clarisse didn't feel complete, despite the fact that she had a wonderful house, many animals and quite a lot of money. It was her heart, she was sure. Her heart needed something, something that it didn't have already.

The truth was; Clari felt that it was too easy to have guys drooling at her feet, and she believed that they loved her only for her looks, for her thin figure and pretty face. She wanted them to like her for the beautiful person she was _inside_. She thought long and hard about what she could possibly do to make them understand who she was, but she couldn't come to any conclusion, until one night.

It was stormy and the rain was pounding on her roof; the wind was howling at her door. _The Goddess is angry! Oh, Goddess, save me from your ever-powerful wrath!_ Prayed Clari. It felt like she was Dorothy Gale in the Wizard of Oz, and her house was going to be torn from the ground. She wept and sobbed but it would not stop, and she fell asleep, thinking of her helplessness and how she just wanted her personality to be realized before she was dubbed as 'hottie' instead of 'hottie who has a nice heart'.

She awoke, and the sun was shining through her pale pink, lace-trimmed curtains. She sighed, thankful it was all over. There was a loud knock at her door, and she yelled at the door:

"HEY! Jeez, I'm coming already!!"

She dragged her lifeless body out of bed and made her way over to the door. She pulled it open and looked to the right, and then to the left, but no one was there. She proceeded to stare down at the bristly mat declaring "WELCOME!" in large capital letters. On it was a basket, full of blueberry muffins. Wispy grey steam curled above it.

"Aww. Who could have done this?" She wondered, before spotting a little note-card attached to the bottom. _From, Your Secret Admirer (My name begins with a 'G')._ Instantly, Clari's glowing, happy face was replaced by an angry scowl. She was TIRED of so-called 'secret admirer's that always gave themselves away.

"I JUST WANT A NORMAL BOYFRIEND WHO LIKES ME FOR MY INSIDE NOT OUT!!" She exclaimed furiously.

Right then and there, she had a shocking realization; an epiphany! She would change her whole appearance and see who still liked her. She would become… Goth.

The next day, Clari walked out of the house wearing a lacy black tank with a corset, black skinny, ripped to reveal fishnet stockings, a pleated black mini-skirt, and purple pumps with skulls. She had dyed her sweet, sweet hair black, with obscene violet streaks, and it was coarsely cropped to her chin-line. Her face was caked with heavy, pale foundation, her eyes covered in mascara, her lips a vibrant purple. She wore long, silver chains around her neck, and dangly skull earrings. The outfit was completed with 'totally stylish' skull bangles and enormous rings. She hated it; all of it, But it was necessary.

She slouched into town; giving menacing looks to everyone she passed. Gray ran up to her.

"Hey! Clari – beari! Did you get the muff…" but he stopped shortly when he saw her. "Whoa. What the hell happened _you_?" he demanded, astonished.

"I got a makeover. Wanna make somethin' of it?" She said.

"Yeah! You aren't, like, hot anymore! I was gonna ask you out, like, tonight, but now I'm so not!" He said.

"What – _ever_."

And she stalked off, smiling slightly. Gray didn't pass test number one. She carried on her way, until she reached the Inn, where Ann was tending to the flower beds. She walked up to freckled girl with long braids and overalls. Ann turned around and surveyed her.

"Hi! Wow you changed our style… it's pretty cool. I like your hair!" said kind Ann.

"Thanks. Gray hates it." said Clari with a sigh.

"Don't let that jerk get you down! Fight for what id right!" cried Ann, pumping her fist in the air. "Yeah! Woo! Yeah!" She was quite the character.

"Well, thanks for the vote of confidence. See you later." Clari didn't see Ann's horrified gag as she left.

Cliff was in the church, as usual. He sat in a pew, his hands folded, and his face calm. Jeff was in the opposite pew, sweating and mouthing something extremely fast.

"Hey, Cliff." Said Clari, "How are you." She gave a squinty smile. The handsome boy didn't turn around. He stayed in the trance-like state.

"_Cliiiff._" whined Clari, "Talk to me."

"I'm terribly sorry, Clarisse, but I'm having a moment. I must not be disturbed."

"Oh. Okay. Sorry to bother you." Clari was slightly put-off. She was used to having him obey her every command. This was a good sign! Maybe.

She waited for a few minutes, yawning and saying things under her breath until Cliff turned around to see if she was still there. His eyes became wide for a moment. He bit his lip and she could see his eyes begin to water. Finally, unable to control himself, he burst out into peels of laughter.

"HEY!" Clari made a pouty face, "That is _not cool_, dude. Do you have an issue with my new look?"

"Umm… no?" he said, accenting the 'no' bit, so it sounded like a question.

"Yeah, well, I hope not." she began to sniffle – no one had liked it, and no one had seen her inner self. "_No one likes it!_" Gray wasn't sure what to do. He just sort of stood there and stared like a fish.

Clari was angry beyond angry. She stormed out of the church and sharply turned to the right, speed-walking towards the supermarket to see Karen. When she arrived, however, Karen and Ann were sitting on a bench, giggling at something Ann had said that was obviously very funny. She strained her ears to hear what they were saying.

"_Oh my goddess! She did that!"said Karen_

"_Yeah, and she, like, hacked off all her hair and dyed it black. Then she streaked it with purple!"_

"_Seriously?!"_

"_Totally; skull jewelry, black miniskirt, fishnets, makeup… the lot."_

"_Woa. She is so messed up."_

"_Yeah. I bet all she wants is attention. She does that a lot."_

"_Too bad the guys won't be going for her with that getup." _

"_Ha! Yeah, Gray came up to me and wanted to know who's possessing her!"_

"_I want to know, too!"_ Just then, the two girls looked up to see Clari. She was actually very frightening.

"Oh. Hey, Clarisse." said Karen sweetly.

"Hey." said Clari back, smiling, but with eyes full of fire.

"We'll just be going now." said Karen, "Nice to see you. _Gorgeous_ outfit, by the way." She and Ann stood up, gave a little wave (Karen flipped her hair) and they walked away.

As soon as they were gone, Clari flopped down onto the bench, feeling defeated. She was tired of it all. No one liked her. There was only Rick and Kai left to like her, and Rick was a freaking chicken farmer (plus his glasses were _so _hideoso). She needed some consolation, so she ran home and picked some cucumbers out of her refrigerator before slowly trudging over to Kappa's pond. She removed her sneakers and sat by the edge, dangling her feet into the water. She looked at them and realized with horror that she had forgotten to paint them black! They were a vermillion pink. She threw her cucumbers in and began to cry.

Suddenly, in a large splash, a great green thing levitated out of the water. Kappa! Despite her tears, Clari smiled.

"So, young, one, what brings you here – HEY! You look good today!" Cried the Kappa.

"I'm just having a tough time getting others to accept my new look." said Clari despondently.

"I'm acceptin' it and I'm lovin' it!" cried the Kappa

"Really?"

"Yes siree. I think you look mighty 'hot'."

"Okay. Woa. Umm… thanks…" Clari found it decidedly weird and a little scary to have an extremely old little fish man hitting on her.

"Uh huh. You're lookin' peachy keen jelly bean."

"Great. I feel so good now. I have to go!" she gave a pained smile and quickly put on her sneakers. "Bye!" she called over her shoulder as she ran down the path. _Okay, all the good attention I can get, is from the Kappa. I'm not doing so well. Lemme give one last try with Kai._

She saddled her horse and galloped down the streets, feeling strange without her blonde hair blowing behind her in the wind. She dismounted "Honey" and strutted over to Kai, who was lying on a beach chair.

"Hey." She said and sat on the chair next to his, trying to act as normal as possible, trying to be herself. Kai turned around he was wearing dark sunglasses.

"Hey." He said back, "How's it going?"

"Good. Just came by because I was bored."

"Oh." He removed his 'shades' and his eyes became very wide. "Wowee. Umm… Jeez… you look… interesting." He could no longer maintain a straight face; a grin broke out, and he started to snicker.

"What?" Asked Claire

"What . are. you. wearing?"

"Clothes. How 'bout you? That bandana is really ugly."

"I'm wearing clothes, too. But at least my bandana doesn't have _skulls_ on it."

"And?"

"Whatever, Clari, look, I've gotta go open up the restaurant. Here's a tip from a guy that's been everywhere and seen all types of people: when you change yourself, for attention or whatever, nothing's the same. It's a bad idea… and you'll regret it. Plus, you just _don't look good._"

Clari rolled her eyes. "It's my look. I can do whatever I want with it." she said to Kai's retreating back. She then climbed onto her horse and trotted home.

Back at her farmhouse, Clari got into bed. She had finished feeding and brushing her animals and was tired. There had been no results that day. None. None of her friends or the guys had bothered with her. They hated what she did with herself and that was all there was to it. Whether they liked her personality or not, it didn't matter. They just could not stand how she had changed her appearance. Her long, straight, gleaming gold hair and vibrant green eyes were all they ever wanted to see. But there was no turning back! Her hair was all gone! She didn't know what she was going to do.

She sniffed into her pillow and drifted slowly to sleep.

The morning came, and with it, the sounds of birds chirping. Clari walked sluggishly over to the mirror and stared into it. Wait, what?! There was all her hair! It was all still on her head in all of its shimmery beauty! It was still blonde and there was no makeup and… It had all been a dream! A terrible, horrible dream! Just to teach her a lesson! As much as she wanted to be accepted for her brains and her insides as well as out, that just wasn't going to happen and it was better to be loved by her looks than no at all!

She laughed and laughed and just to check that she was not crazy, checked her television; yep, Summer 12th, the day that yesterday had been. She pumped her fist into the air and put on a pink t-shirt, so happy that it was not black.

**Ha ha! The one type of story that I most hate is the 'and then it was all a dream' ones. Hope you got a few laughs out of this, and happy reading! More to come soon!**

**-Izzy**


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